14 years...

The year was 1992 Folks....I was a 20 year old. Life was much different.

I was going Ocean County College. Graduating in the spring.

Still living at home with the folks.

Dating a woman named Kristina Thompson. The 1st woman I ever really felt something signifigant for. Also the 1st woman to ever really shatter my soul in the end. (another story for another day...)

I was angry at life for being dealt the Geek card. Uncomfortable in my own skin. I knew everything, and nothing was my fault.

Had no idea where I was going and no real ambition. some vage plan about going to a 4 year college and graduating with a degree in something.

Even though I had a licence was still leaning to drive properly.

was still a virgin.

had no money

generally made poor decisions.

also the year I took a job after many, many, months of unemployment. A job with a company called Loews Theatres. Opening a new theatre call the Freehold Metroplex. It wasnt the biggest theatre, only 8 screens. But the manager Jacob Salama told me it was going to be a great place.

I was taking the job against my parents wishes. They thought it was crazy to commute to Freehold for minimim wage and free movies.

Its funny how the smallest decisions can change your life.

Here I am 14 years later. Married with a lovely wife, severaly great friends, a great house, and generally having turned my life around.

Now the road here had more than enough of its share of disasters. But no matter what happened I always had my job with Loews Theatres. It was my rock. When all else failed and it did often. I always could count on the job to get me through. It was my rock, my anchor in a crazy world of my own making.

Alas that is about to end. My rock is all but dust and gravel and will be gone at 5pm on March 30 2006. Not by any fault of mine. Destoryed by sheer corperate greed.

I dont know how else to say it. I feel like I'm losing a limb, or an internal organ. I never lived for the job or the company. But I loved it. After 14 years I realize how much a part of me it has become. That part is being ripped out, amputated if you will.

I'm left in some bathtub full of ice with a note to go see a doctor. Some hack surgeon selling my removed parts on the black market, not caring if I live or die.

I've heard it all at this point:

How Smart I am, How talented I am, How I'll find another job, How I need to get over it, How I'll be ok, How everying will be fine. How I shouldnt take it personally, etc...and so forth. You name it. I cant take it anymore. I'm at a break point here. I dont blame anyone. What else can they say? None of it gives me one iota of comfort.

I feel: Sad, Angry, Hurt, Betrayed, Frightened, Nostalgic, and Depressed. Just to name a few

I'll find another job at least I'll try, if Im lucky the money, hours, and location will be good. It wont be the same. It wont be what I know; what I love. It wont be what I shared so many experiences with. It wont have my memories, my past, my friends, or my soul in it.

Maybe I will feel differently about it in 14 years.....